Catching Up on Stuff, Oh and Kim Kardashian!

It’s been awhile since I’ve written here and I’m starting to feel like I say that at the beginning of all of my posts now. Life somehow got really busy. Anyway to catch people up on some stuff real quick it turns out my Grandfather doesn’t have cancer, he was misdiagnosed and has COPD which at his age is not fun either. So i guess I wont be as disgusted when Danica Patrick Twitter Bombs me with COPD information. In better news I proposed to my girlfriend a few weeks ago. She said yes and will soon become the Baroness. Hazah! Oh an apparently I was wrong about the Big 12 the Big East is apparently done.

Speaking of Marriage was anyone actually surprised that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are now divorced. Honestly I thought it might last longer than the summer but it was on a one way course for distruction from the beginning. Also if you play in the NBA and nobody knew you before you started dating a Kardashian is it really smart to buy a 2.5 million dollar ring. That has to be close to his annual salary, not including the money he made while on any of the various Kardashian shows on the E! network. (Ryan Seacrest is a wealthy, wealthy man.) So back to the ring, its no wonder NBA players are always going bankrupt. The diamonds on the ring were bigger than Kim’s eyes...for another million he could’ve gone for a Khloe larger sized diamond. But looking at the ring wasn’t your first thought, how much South African blood was shed so that ring could be made. One last note on the ring. I read on TMZ that Kim put in the prenup that she would pay Kris the purchase price for the ring if they ever got a divorce. Her birth father was one of OJ’s lawyers. Yes that OJ. She didn't know that she gets to keep the ring anyways. So she put in a legal document that she would pay the 2.5 million dollar ring instead of just getting to keep it.

The real story is the length of the marriage, if there is a story at all. I saw a hash tag on twitter this week #longerthanKimsmarriage. Which got me thinking was anyone married a shorter time than Kim and Kris? I first thought about Brittany Spears but that marriage to Jason Alexander was annulled so it didn’t actually happen. Although after doing some quick research I found that there have been a lot of short celebrity marriages. Drew Berrymore was married to Jeremy Thomas for 2 weeks, Dennis Rodman was married to Carmen Electra for 9 days, and Dennis Hopper was married to Michelle Phillips for 8 days. The most interesting one I found was Eddie Murphy and Tracy Edmonds who were married for 2 weeks but divorced before coming back to the United States. I think the reason the Kim Kardashian marriage is such a big deal is the money that she made getting married from E!. She reportedly made 17 million dollars. Assuming the math is correct she made $236,111.11 for each day she was married. That breaks down to $9837.96 an hour, $163.97 a minute, or $2.73 a second that she was married. The most depressing this is the whole thing will happen again. Saturday Night Live did a spoof this week where E! aired a special Divorce episode for the couple. I wouldn’t put it past this family they will apparently take money for anything.

So back to the longer than Kim’s marriage hash tag. What did last longer than her marriage? Sticking with the Kardashian family, the OJ Simpson Murder trial lasted 9 months which is about 6.5 months longer than her marriage. Kim and Kris were engaged for 3 months which is approximately 3 weeks longer than their marriage. The NBA lockout has lasted 128 days which is 18 days from being twice as long. Although the Statue of Liberty was built, disassembled, shipped to America, and rebuilt the process to 9 years...much longer than the marriage. I could obviously go on much longer with things that lasted longer than 72 days but I think you get the point.

Stay posted I hope to start writing more and making time to post.

College Football Expansion and the death of the Big 12.

College Football Conference Expansion is back in the news again with Texas A&M making the move the SEC in a few years. It seems to me that the Big 12 may be a defunct league in a few years if they don’t find a way to keep some of its schools. It’s fun to think about where the other Big 12 teams might go if there is no longer a Big 12. Obviously in order to discuss this we need to make some assumptions. First let’s assume everyone runs from the Big 12 to other conferences. Let’s also assume that conferences will jump to 16 teams. Also let’s assume that Clemson and Florida State will move to the SEC with Texas A&M. (This by the way is a terrible idea for all three schools.)



Ok so in the last two years the Big 12 has lost Nebraska, Colorado, and Texas A&M. Based on the fact that the SEC, Big Ten, and Pac 12 all have 12 or more teams they will be staying around. The SEC is going to end up with 16 teams. So who do the Pac 12 and Big 10 pick up to keep pace. If the Big 12 becomes defunct that will likely mean that the Texas will become an Independent. Just like Notre Dame they have their own TV contract, recruiting won’t be affected right away and they have a national fan base. I think the Big Ten will still try to pick up Syracuse from the Big East. I also think Oklahoma would make sense too. (I’ve heard this rumor so why not). That means the Big 10 needs two more teams. It makes the most sense to pull from the Big 12 North. Missouri makes the most sense for the teams left in the Big 12 North, plus they already have a little rivalry with Illinois. After that I think the best option from the Big 12 might be Oklahoma St which brings one of Oklahoma’s rivals with them. It will take some realigning in the Big 10 divisions but that seems like a tough conference that could compete with the SEC any day of the week.



Now who will the Pac 12 pick up to get to 16 teams? If they take from the Big 12 Kansas and Kansas St. make a lot of sense. They also were talking about taking Texas Tech a couple years ago too. So that’s 3 teams without having to pluck from the non-BCS conferences. I also think if the Pac 12 came calling BYU would drop the Independent discussion. The Pac-12 is easy and difficult at the same time. In order to get BCS schools they have to pull from schools halfway across the country, if they stay on the West Coast they are looking at Nevada, BYU, Hawaii, and Colorado St.? There is no chance the Pac 12 picks anyone out of that foursome except BYU.

So now the SEC, Big Ten, and Pac 12 have their 16 teams. What happens to the Big East and ACC? Well there are still a couple of teams left in the Big 12, Baylor and Iowa State. Baylor makes more sense in the Big East than the ACC but only because TCU just joined them. Iowa State is the odd man out for sure though. They don’t make sense for the Big Ten because let’s be honest they are not a good football team. Outside of the interstate rivalry with Iowa they don’t bring a lot to the table. They might end up in the MAC or MWC. However bringing Baylor into the Big East doesn't finish it because there will only be 10 teams which mean they need 6 more to get to 16 teams. The other thing that the Big East needs to look at while expanding is how it will affect Basketball because they have a lot of schools that are Basketball but not football like Georgetown, Setan Hall, Villanova, etc. If the Big East goes to 16 teams then they will have to drop some of their Basketball only schools and I don’t see that happening unless a basketball school is ready for their football team to make the leap. Right now I think the only school in a position to do that is Villanova. So it’s more likely that the ACC plucks 6 teams out of the Big East. They took 3 teams a few years back when Va Tech, Boston College, and Miami from the Big East.



So I think it would make sense to bring Pitt, WVU, USF, and Connecticut. Which still leaves 2 schools to join? One question I have is can the ACC lure Kentucky and make a super basketball conference that would always compete with the Big East. If UK comes over then the ACC could also grab Louisville. This opens the door for the SEC to pick up one more school. I’m not sure that UK leaves though and geographically it doesn’t make sense to pick up Louisville or Cincinnati in the ACC and TCU and Baylor don’t make a lot of sense. This is where the expansion part gets confusing.



The one thing I am pretty sure of though is this will lead to a quasi playoff in college football. A team will need to win its Conference championship in order to compete in the National Championship game. Its fun to think about but it’s also sad to think about a lot of the tradition that I grew up with in college football will not be there anymore.

Comedians and Freedom of Speech

I am sitting in a training room proctoring an exam. Is there a better way to pass the time then by typing a blog? I say no. On a quick note this day of training sucks because I literally sit here and wait for people to finish taking their exam, but today is especially terrible because it’s a Friday and I’m going to be here until 5pm. Anyways I have some friends who have been asking for a blog so I figured I would try to come up with something. If it sucks I blame them.



I read this week that Adam Carolla was in trouble with GLAAD and the LGBT again for some comments he made at a Comedy Club and on his podcast that they found offensive. More than likely the comments were offensive but I’m going to venture out and say that the people who found it offensive do not subscribe to his podcast or pay money to go to his shows. While the Aceman made a comment about trannies during his show he also regularly talks about how Gay Marriage should be legalized. (As he says on his show he wants it legalized so they can all shut the hell up.) While I think he mostly states that last part as a joke he still supports the cause and I bet GLAAD or the LGBT never mention that when they are complaining about him making slanderous comments. Plus if you listen to his show you can easily argue that there are other groups of people who have a bigger complaint when it comes to Carolla’s comedic prejudices. I mean we all watched the Man Show back in the day it’s not really a surprise that he makes these comment.



But the bigger issue here is why comics can’t go on stage anymore and make outrageous jokes like they used. I mean it’s not like I get offended when Chris Rock or Eddie Griffin make fun of white people. If someone doesn’t think they are funny then they shouldn’t listen to them or pay money for their shows. But why should comedy suffer as a whole. Why is it ok for people to crack wise on people from West Virginia, Dumb Blonde, or Rednecks all the time but the minute you make a black joke or a gay joke its offensive. To be honest all of the jokes are playing on a stereotype and are equally mean spirited.



Lately we have all heard about Tracy Morgan’s issues with his standup act while making anti-gay comments or jokes about disabled people. Both of these situations I wouldn’t really put in the category of the situations in the previous two paragraphs but in both situations Tracy has issued apologies. Does this mean that every time a comedian makes fun of a specific demographic that they will need to apologize? Is that what it has come to in this society?



I listen to Adam Carolla on a regular basis. From time to time he will go on rants about religion and whether or not there is a God and making fun of the people who believe. I consider myself a Christian and I go to church most Sundays and yes at times I think the line is crossed. But at the same time a lot of it is funny and some of the people he is joking on I agree with. But he has never made a comment that has made me want to stop listening to him. If that’s all he ever talked about on the podcast maybe I wouldn’t listen but that’s only because it’s not entertaining to me.



I think it has gotten to a point where these groups that spend their time complaining about what a comedian, pro athlete, or an public figure has made in public to the media they are stepping over the lines. In grade school when kids would complain about everything someone else said or go to the teacher with something people called them a tattle tale and that nobody liked a tattle tale. Even parents tell their kids to mind their own business. To an extent isn’t this the same thing. Can’t people just ignore people they don’t agree with anymore? Does it have to make the nightly news?



Oh well just something I was thinking about the other day. If you don’t agree that’s fine you don’t have to that’s why it’s my opinion.

NFL Players on a Reality Show of their Own.

After finishing my previous post I had a thought. It was along the lines of how NFL players could entertain us even if they were not playing football. The theory is put 6 or 7 NFL players in a house similar to the show the Real World on MTV. While MTV might be cool with hosting this show on their network it should really be on HBO then it could be uncut. Plus if there is not a season HBO will need to find something to replace HARDKNOCKS. This show could be called the House of HARD KNOCKS.

Now I am already thinking of a group of guys for this show. Guys like Antonio Cramartie, Chris Cooley, Ben Rothlesburger, DeSean Jackson, Tim Tebow, and Chad Ocho Cinco. Could you imagine the things that would happen in this house? Cramartie made a name for himself last year on HARDKNOCKS when he started naming his children, it didn’t take a math genius to realize one woman couldn’t have all of those children. Ben Rothlesburger…do I even need to explain? DeSean Jackson is the cocky SOB that everyone hates. Reality shows need this guy so the rest of the house can bond. Tebow is the Christian boy that every show seems to have on it. Cooley is an original prankster and that’s all I needed to know, but a dude who accidently posts a picture of his junk online is going to be good for unintentional comedy. I couldn’t imagine making a show like this without Chad Ocho Cinco.

The basic premise is simple they live in a house together with no TV or cell phones and are taped all day and night. They have to go out to the bar at night otherwise who is going to watch this show. Obviously the show is not going to let Rothlesburger commit a crime…allegedly. But it will be just as fun to watch him try to get these girls. Plus the thought of Tim Tebow at a bar is humorous to me for some reason. There can even be the twist of making them work at some BS job while they are on the show. It can be as ridiculous as the Jersey Shore cast working at the Shore Store or a Gelato Shop or as legit as working with a charity.

Now the next thing is where will they film? What city would be the most fun to watch this group in? I think they need to be in Miami, New Orleans, Cancun, Las Vegas, or Southern California. It needs to be a city with a night life and a place that is used to seeing celebrities.

One idea is to add women to the house. It really depends on what the producers want the show to be because adding women to the house adds another element then all guys. There will be more drama that is for sure. If women were the case I would add Ines Sainz, a couple cheerleaders (at least one from Dallas), Jennifer Starkey (DC Divas of the Womens Football Association), and maybe a girl from the Lingerie Football League to the house. If the women are added then a couple of the men will need to be removed so there are not too many people. Jennifer Starkey really does play for the DC Divas and they really are a Women’s Professional Football team but it could be any woman from any women’s team. I know this will never happen but it’s great to think about.

The NFL Lockout: What to do if it lasts through the Season?

After waking up this morning and getting ready for work I sat down to watch SportsCenter while I ate my breakfast. One of the first stories that they talked about was the NFL Lockout, at this point I am tired of the NFL lockout. What surprised me the most was it is day 100 of the NFL lockout. At this point it hasn’t affected much except for some off season training camps and mini camps. But we are now at the end of June and normally teams come together for preseason camp in July and the preseason games kickoff in early August. This means we are a month away from the NFL lockout effecting the NFL season.

This is a scary thought to many football fans. The reason being what will men do on Sundays, Monday Nights, some Saturday Nights, and eventually Thursday Nights if the lockout heads into the regular season? Let’s focus on Sunday for a minute. Without Football there will be no drinking beer with your buddies and eating wings or whatever football treat you enjoy. Instead men will have to go to Home Depot and work on projects around the house. They might have to do chores like vacuum or mow the grass. Whatever it is we end up doing it will not be as enjoyable as sitting on the couch with a cold beer watching football. So my thought was to come up with things to do if the NFL does not agree to a new collective bargaining agreement and the lockout continues into the season.

1) Tailgate in the Church parking lot after service. Since there is not game to go to we need a place where we can pull out our Smokey Joe’s and pop open a few cold ones. Note: Some churches may frown on this act. Ok this isn’t really a good idea but why not?
How long until I start missing football again: Immediately.

2) Get into NASCAR. The races last about as long as a football game. It might not be 22 guys beating the crap out of each other but every once in awhile Kevin Harvick (or his owner) might throw a punch at Kyle Busch. Plus the Chase starts in September. For those of you who are confused by the last sentence you lose 5 America points, but the Chase is NASCAR’s 10 race playoff.
How long until I start missing Football again: November when the season is over.

3) Start watching the MLB. The great news is there is a game on every night. They are usually cheaper than football games. It’s a summer sport so tailgating is still an option. Plus September is when the contenders start making their runs to the playoffs and well October is when the magic happens.
How long until I start missing football again: October, maybe November if the series goes to 7 games.

4) Watch College football. This is the most realistic option. It’s similar to the NFL just a little slower. If you are not used to watching it the Spread may seem odd. But overall there are games on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday nights. Then there are games on from Noon until late into the evening on Saturday on channels from CBS, ABC, MASN, ESPN, ESPN 2, ESPN U, ESPN 3, ESPN Plus, and ESPN the Ocho. Just kidding about the OCHO.

How long until I start missing football again: December for two weeks until the Bowl games start. In mid January when the National Championship has been played it will happen again. January is where it will hurt the most because if the lockout is still going on we will miss out on the Super Bowl.

5) Play golf. If all else fails grab your clubs and hit the course. It will get you out of the house for four hours and you won’t have to do yard work.
How long until I start missing football again: Depends on how well you play.

Hopefully the owners and the players can come to an agreement soon and we will not have to contemplate these ideas anymore. But the closer we get to August and then September the more it seems this is going to last awhile. I heard an interview with Chris Collinsworth yesterday. He is a wide receivers coach for his son’s high school football team. This cannot be a good sign when the man who calls Sunday Night Football is accepting a job that would have him working in the fall instead of preparing to call NFL games on Sunday Nights.

In other sports news the NBA may be heading towards a lockout in the coming months. The difference is the NBA is really in the red. The real difference being if the NBA doesn’t play next season is that the league may never recover. It will find itself in a similar position to what the NHL experienced in 2005. And that’s all I’ll say about that because nobody cares about the NBA anyways.

The Evolution of the Drinking Game

I remember when I first started drinking many of the games we card games. We would sit around our dorm rooms and play Asshole, Kings, F the dealer, Golf, a bunch of other ones I don’t remember. The only thing I remember about Asshole is that there is a President, Vice President, other various cabinet members, beer bitch and the Asshole. I know the beer bitch gets the beer and the asshole does what everyone else tells them to do, oh and the President eventually gets to make a rule if he is president long enough. I know Kings has a waterfall and a cup that the loser has to drink. The cup is full of whatever various drinks ended up being poured in it during the game.

At some point in college we started playing beer pong and flip cup. I’m thinking everyone got tired of card games and holding solo cups so they created ways to use those cups to advance their drinking. Both of these games are fun and involve teams which add to the excitement. At this point I think everyone should know what these games involve. Beer Pong does vary from house to house but the premise is the same. Sink the ball in the cup. At one point one of my friends created a game called bong pong. This had no competitive purpose but was another creative way to drink. Basically you have at least 2 people. One holds a beer bong full of beer. The other shoots a ping pong ball into the beer bong. If the shooter makes it the person holding it drinks. Once the person shoots they now have to hold the beer bong.

Oh and don’t forget QUARTERS!

Since college I have learned 3 new variations of these games. Apparently drinking games have a shelf life and need to be revamped to stay exciting. I personally think it’s a great thing. The new inventive ways to play these games add a challenge and makes it important to put a good team together.

The first game I learned at my brother’s college graduation from West Virginia University. I asked someone at the house what the name of the game was because I thought it was so much fun. He had no answer so I eventually started calling it the Beer triathlon. It involves the skills of flip cup, quarters, and beer pong. It is best played with teams of 4 but can be played with two if you really want to drink a lot. The first contestant starts by bouncing a ping pong ball into a cup and then drinking the beer from the cup once they have made it. This is the “Quarters” step. Yes I know it’s not a quarter but you get the idea. Then you drink the next cup and flip it until it lands on its top. Once the first two steps are completed the player shoots at a cup sitting at the other end of the table. Once the first person on the team completes all three stations the next person starts. This continues until all members of the team finish. The first team to finish wins. It really takes a team effort to pull this off. It gets interesting as the alcohol sets in because people are running all over chasing ping pong balls to help the shooter.

Yesterday I was at the bar after my kickball game where I learned two more games. All I know is I can’t wait until the next time I get to play.

The first game is called Black Out. I was a little scared based on the name. This game includes the skills of flip cup and beer pong. The teams line up opposite each other on a beer pong table. A rack of 6 cup beer pong is set up on each end of the table. Each team member then fills up their own cup for the flip cup game. The teams start the flip cup game when the last person flips their cup successfully they take a shot at the beer pong rack. If the shot is made then the person at the end of the other line drinks it. Then the team rotates and starts the flip cup segment again. This continues until one team has eliminated all of the beer pong cups from their opponent’s side of the table. Now if at any time a person misses the shot the team must complete a round of flip cup before the person can shoot again. This continues every time the shooter misses a shot. So either you have a team that can shoot really well in beer pong and the game ends relatively quickly or you don’t and you end up drinking a lot of beer. Either way you get to feel good because there are no real losers in drinking games. This game is best played with 4 or more people on a team but again can be played with as few as 2 people.

The last game is called Nemesis. It is a beer pong game with at least 3 people and 15 cups. The difference with this game is each person on your team has a nemesis on the other team. The other big difference is one side doesn’t shoot at a time. Each Nemesis pairing shares a ball. You drink whenever your nemesis makes a cup and only when your Nemesis makes a cup. You also can only shoot the ball that your nemesis and you share. There are two re-racks in the game at 10 and 6 cups. In this game you only drink if you are partnered up with a Nemesis that can make cups. The winning team makes all of the cups on their opponent's side of the table first. Noe redemptions.

Now I know there are other games out there that I have not listed her and to be honest you can turn anything into a drinking game. I have a drinking games app on my phone which has a subsection that gives you rules for movies and TV shows. It has been exciting to watch where drinking games have gone since I started playing them and it’s even more exciting to see where they will go. I just need to keep my skills sharp so when my future children come home from college their old man can still hold his own.

Thats My Hammer!

Thor is the heir to the von Lamb throne. You should fear this baby.